July 30th, Day 42: Brantford, Ontario to Niagara Falls, NY: 74 miles, 854 ft. ascent

  1. Take a medium sized stoker.
  2. Remove all excess fat. This can be a lengthy and tedious process but it is well worth the effort. It is, however, worth leaving the small fatty deposits at the junction of the haunches as stripping these right back can release bile that may ruin the subsequent meal entirely.
  3. Tenderize the rump well. One recommended implement for this step is the Brooks Saddle - see the Heggie description here, starting at around 4:50.
  4. Stuff the stoker with as much banana and raisins as possible and moisturise well with Gatorade (most of this will evaporate over the next 4 hours, so make sure to keep topping up).
  5. Glaze liberally with suncream.
  6. Bake for 4 hours under a moderate sun in a fan assisted, constant pressure paceline (the Davey Train works particularly well).
  7. Do not deviate from instructions provided by the GPS unit as this could result in overcooking. It can also, again, release bile from the stoker which makes the meal very unpleasant.

By following this simple recipe you should have a delicious lunch on the table by 1pm accompanied by your favourite Adult Beverage. That is, of course, unless after 74 miles at 17.9 mph you happen to end up in Niagara Falls - just like Vegas with water, but without service. And we have a whole rest day here tomorrow - oh joy!

James and Chris pose in front of the American side of the falls
Niagara Falls - the good bit...
Chris and James make a Y sign with their arms in front of the Welcome to New York sign
Chris and James negotiate their return into the USA (Hurrah for the first amendment)